Unexplainable Behaviors

It's funny since the 14mile walk I haven't been myself physically and emotionally. I figured a walk like that was going to make me feel good about myself but instead, it just made me feel weak in all sorts of ways.

Today I decided while I walked downtown to visit a church on 4th and Mission which my mother used to go to during her lunch hour almost everyday in the 80s. I entered it because after dealing with alot of noise all around downtown the entire morning, I needed to be somewhere quiet for a few minutes if not more and what better place then a worship house.

It's funny this particular catholic church is on a very busy street, surrounded by the tallest buildings, alot of cars going past it throughout the day and a park across the street, yet when I walked in through the doors and let them close behind me, I did not hear a single sound from the outside. I needed the quiet, my brain was aching.

I walked all the way to the front and sat on the right side and closed my eyes in order to just meditate. Yet, as a result of my restless soul and curious mind, I kept opening my eyes to see all those worshipers walking about the church. This exercise for me was the most fascinating because most of the elder worshipers walked to every statue in the church, knelt in front of it and held the sculptured or plastered hand as if to bond with them in person and prayed. For some strange reason I was bothered by this particular way of praying, I mean I am not trying to judge anyone but I am not sure why some people need to feel religion by touch. In my opinion religion is what you feel inside and if you sit quietly in any room in darkness or even in broad daylight, you will feel religion deep inside and religion will feel you without a physical touch and that is all that matters to heal your soul. I feel those who need to experience religion by touch, doubt what religion is and for that reason I am saddened by what I saw today.

I stayed there for about 30 minutes and calmed my brain in the quiet and then walked outside to continue my journey for the day. I wish I could have stayed the rest of the afternoon and just kept my eyes closed...